I Can't Stay
by piercek7
Summary: An Alice and Jasper Short
1. I Can't Stay

~*~*~*~*

Lying there next to him was the hardest thing she had ever done. She knew where this was going. She knew what she had to do.

It was hard.

She didn't want to stop feeling again. She didn't want the nothingness that came with it. She wanted what he made her feel. She wanted all of it.

Turning her head, she looked at his face. His face was relaxed, almost boyish. Reaching up she touches his cheek, causing a smile to slowly form on his lips.

She memorized ever line on his face, every freckle, every nuance. She touched his mouth, his nose, his eyes, his cheekbones.

She needed to stay calm, keep her emotions in check. He would be able to sense her unease, her panic.

The pictures kept flashing through her mind, everything that was going to happen, unless she made a choice. She didn't want to make this choice, but no matter how she saw it, the only way for everyone to survive was for her to go, without word, without warning.

He would be strong, he would act like it was alright, that he understood, but she knew he wouldn't. His eyes would darken, and he would lose the war he was waging within himself. His feelings were strong and ran deep, just like hers. He would break. If she could cry, she was sure her pillow would be drenched in tears.

It was the only way.

Everyone had already made their choices; it was clear as day, except for her. She just didn't know how to rip her own heart from her chest and lay it at his feet. She didn't know how to leave him behind as if he meant nothing when he meant everything.

Looking up at the sky she thought about everything that was going to happen. She needed to convince herself it was the right thing to do. The sacrifice was worth it.

Sitting up she could no longer look at him. Leaving with him at her side was one thing but leaving without him was so much harder. She needed to see her future clearly but lying next to him made her waiver on her decision, causing the picture to cloud up.

She figured it was like removing a band-aid, do it quickly, just get it over with. All at once her future was clear and it made her wish she could cry.

Standing, he rose with her. She turned toward him, her eyes bright and her smile big.

"Jasper, I love you." Her sing song voice whispered. She smiled bright to keep her emotions under control.

His only response was a half smile, as usual. He wasn't much for words.

Grabbing his hand she led him toward the house.

"Oh, I need to go talk to Bella, I'll be right back." She said with a little hop, just as they reached the house. He looked at her, his golden eyes warm with affection, breaking her heart a tiny bit more.

"Alright" He said, lightly kissing her on the cheek. He only did things like that when no one was around. He was very private. That's what she loved so much about him. She would make him understand, even if it took two hundred years.

She turned her back to him and began heading toward Bella and Edwards. Turning back one last time, she saw him watching her. He raised his right hand, palm out toward her, his expression broken and sad.

Both their hearts lay dying on the ground between, and she knew at that moment that he would understand.

He already did.


	2. She Can't Stay

**Author's Note: I only had one review on the first part of this story but it forced the wheels in my head to start moving. It gave me a real burst of inspiration so I have decided to continue on with this story. I forsee this being a 4 parter but you never know. I apologize for the beginning being so sad but it will get better, I promise. Oh and I would LOVE some reviews please!!**

**~*~*~*~*~**

He closed his eyes. He felt it again. It was quick but being so in tune to her, he felt every change in her mood, no matter how small.

Emotions from her were like the weather. Sometimes they washed over him like sunlight or a cool breeze. But on those rare occasions they were like a thunder or rain.

Today it was rain. It was overwhelming rain, like a flash flood. It quickly washed over him and he didn't know what was making her so sad. Her sadness appeared for a brief second but he felt it.

Then her hand touched his face and she beamed with love for him. He felt himself smile, something he rarely did and something he only did for her.

She touched his eyes, his mouth, his nose, lightly caressing him as if he were the most precious thing she had ever seen. Her need for him made him stronger but her love made him happy. They didn't require much from one another. Just to be near one another.

Suddenly he felt it again, the rain from her soul on to his. She was feeling sadness again but she wasn't telling him anything. She hadn't spoken a word since they had lain down.

He felt her move next to him, sitting up and pulling away from him. The rain was still beating against his soul though it had gotten darker for a second, more desperate. Sitting up as well, he looked at the back of her head, wondering what was going on inside of it.

Then, just as quickly as the rain came, it was gone but it wasn't replaced by her normal sunny spirit. Instead in its place was nothing. He felt as if she had cut him off somehow.

She rose to her feet, and he followed. Turning toward him, he felt a bit of her sunshine in the smile that had spread across her face, though he still felt that desert her emotions had left behind.

Looking into his eyes she whispered "I love you Jasper."

He could only force the corner of his mouth to rise because he was beginning to panic. Without giving him time to ask questions, she grabbed his hand and started back to the house.

Confused, he followed her. He had never felt these things from her before. Their love was strong and it was unspoken. He relied on in it, and her, to keep himself from going back to the life he had once led but he wasn't sure what to do if she took all that away from him.

He was so consumed with his own thoughts he hadn't even realized they had reached the house.

"Oh, I need to go talk to Bella, I'll be right back." She said with her overzealous bounce that made him love her more. He leaned down and lightly kissed her cheek barely thinking about what he was doing. He watched her turn and walk away.

Then it happened. He felt it in her. It was like glass shattering within both their souls. Since the minute they had met their hearts had grabbed a hold of each other and not loosened their grip. Right at that moment, her heart had let him go. Its fingers had slowly uncurled from around his and drawn away.

He reached out a hand to her and took a step forward, as if he could give his heart back to her, make her keep it safe. But he couldn't.

So he focused harder, pushing aside his panic, to find the reason for her withdrawal. Then he found it. Her sense of duty was overpowering all her other emotions. She needed to do this, for reasons beyond herself.

She was leaving him.

She was going to walk away and never look back and it was killing her as much as it was killing him.

Just as he dropped his hand to the side, she turned back toward him, unaware of the pained expression on her face. He hated that this was happening, but he knew deep down that she would never do something like this unless it was the only hope.

He raised his right hand, palm out toward her, his expression broken and sad. He wanted her to know that he understood, to ease her pain a bit.

Both their hearts lay dying on the ground between, and he knew at that moment, she wanted him to understand.

He already did.


	3. Being Apart

The years crept by, so slowly that they felt like eternities, which, for a man who would live forever, was a very difficult thing. Ten years had felt like ten centuries. He had watched her walk away, knowing deep down that she would return.

He held on to that hope, day after day. Keeping strong for her and knowing that someday, no matter how long he had to wait, he would have her hand in his again.

The ache of not knowing though was almost too much to bear. It wasn't that he thought she might not come back; it was that she might not be able to. She had no one to protect her, no to take care of her.

It was the hardest at night. The love that surrounded him was like salt in a wound. He felt everyone's joy and passion for one another like tiny cuts into his soul. He felt everyone's emotions so strongly now, it felt as if it were a punishment.

His pain enhanced by their joy.

Only Edward knew the truth though. There was no hiding it and Edward would just look at him sympathetically.

They were celebrating Nessie's birthday today. He joined in the festivities along with everyone else but all he could think of was her and how much she would have wanted to be here.

The waves of joy and pleasure washed over him. Everyone around him was happy and then he felt it, just below the joy. It was sadness. He realized that a small part of everyone there was missing her too, even after all this time.

Looking up at Edward, their eyes met.

"We understand. She'll be back."

Looking away, he felt less alone than he had in ten years.

Turning, he found Nessie standing before him, her long russet colored hair blowing in the wind, her warms eyes smiling at him. She reached a hand out and touched the side of his face. Vivid flashes of Alice's bright face ran through his mind. Closing his eyes, he wallowed in the pleasurable pain it brought him.

As she pulled her hand away from him, he opens his eyes.

"I know it's my birthday, but I wanted to give you a little something." Smiling, she turns and walks back to Jacob.

He would be strong. She would need him to be strong for when she came back.

Turning toward the woods he whispered to her.

"Alice, good night, travel well."

~*~*~*~

The night had been long for her. She sat on the hill for hours, sifting through the pictures in her head. Everyday she saw him and the agony of his pain. She knew how much he was hurting, she was hurting too.

Smiling, she replayed Nessie's birthday party over in her head. She shook her head slightly at the outfit Bella was wearing, mentally noting that she needed to take Bella shopping.

Then she found him in the crowd, near Edward.

He looked wonderfully beautiful, though his eyes told her of his pain. Pausing the image in her head, she saw his eyes close with Nessie's hand on his cheek. He smiled.

She loved his smile. It was so rare, whenever she saw it, she felt as if she was given the gift of new life. Unspoiled, untainted by the life he had lived or the creature he was.

Ten years was a very long time. Each day she made choices that would bring her closer to home, closer to him. She had been travelling the world in order to save her future from her past.

He was worth it. They were all worth it.

Another picture flashed through her mind, bringing another smile to her face. He had just been surprise tackled by Emmett. They were wrestling and laughing.

What she wouldn't give to hear him laugh. If she could hold his hand in hers just once more, she could get through a thousand years.

Their love was simple, undiluted and natural. He would be strong for her.

Just then the clouds moved and the sun peaked on the horizon. Rising, she turned to face the past in order to live for the future


	4. It's finished

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The ground was covered with the glittery white of the snow and the wind scattered it about like little fairies dancing in the air. The sun had set hours ago. The only light came from the street lamps and passing cars.

Standing on the porch, he looked out at the stillness that always came with winter. No one walked the streets, fewer cars on the road and no sound of anything but the wind.

He didn't feel the chill for his skin was colder than the air ever could be but he wore a coat for appearance sake.

Just as he set his foot on the first step he heard her voice.

"Is this finished?"

Turning to look at her, his eyes sad, he just nodded. He knew what she had sacrificed for something he had done. He didn't want her to pay for his mistakes any longer.

"It's finished. You of all people should know that already." Turning away from her, he stepped out onto the sidewalk.

"I just wanted to hear you say it. The future is crystal clear now. Please don't make me do this again." Her words were rushed. He knew she wanted to be done with him; she wanted to be home again. He had kept her away for too long. He hadn't thought of anyone but himself when he had done it. Looking back, he realized that his split second decision had caused her a decade of pain. She hadn't been able to prevent anything so she had to clean up the mess.

She had just appeared one day. He knew her but she did not remember him. He knew immediately why she was there. He had made a horrible mistake and because her gift was limited, she wasn't able to see everything clearly. All she saw was that her decision to leave had cleared up many dirty windows in her mind and she could see her own future, as well as her families, much clearer.

She never spoke of them, especially the one she called Jasper, but he knew her feelings for them ran deep. She stayed hopeful, even as the days turned to weeks and then to years.

Turning to look at her once more, she wasn't paying him any more attention; she had a smile on her face and was looking up at the sky.

"You will be alright, you know." She whispered. "You are much stronger now than you were before. You won't make the same mistakes. You have eternity to make up for it." Smiling a little, she added "and so do I"

In an instant she was gone and he was left standing on the street, alone once more. He was thankful she had come to his aid. He will find her again one day and be the father she never had.


	5. Homecoming

She had decided to run all the way back. She wasn't going to stop for anything. She didn't need to feed; she just needed to be home. Images of him, holding her in his arms, brushing her hair back from her eyes, and kissing her, danced through her head. She couldn't keep the smile from her lips.

Her world would finally be right again.

Knowing exactly where to find him, she headed North until the desert and plains became snow covered hills. Pictures flashed in her mind over and over again. The way his face lit up like a man who was able to eat after being starved for so long.

It played like a movie in her head. He would just stand before her, looking at every line and every curve of her face and body, making sure everything was as he remembered them.

Then he would touch her face. His palm would lie perfectly against her cheek as if it were designed to be there. His other hand would find her and their fingers would interlace. He would take in her smell, her touch, her very presence. Then ever so slowly the corners of his mouth would rise and he would smile at her.

She knew he would take long runs to Alaska and back, simply to cope. Her plan was to meet him there.

Entering a clearing, she stopped short.

Not even one hundred yards away he stood before her, looking up at the starry sky.

If she were able to breathe she would have hyperventilated. If her heart were able to beat it, would be racing inside her chest.

Walking quickly, she headed toward him across the clearing. She knew the instant he felt her. He tensed up, afraid to hope, afraid to turn around and find it wasn't her.

Slowly she watched him, a huge smile on her face, as he turned his entire body toward her. The images in her head hadn't done him justice. His flesh and bone were so much more magnificent that she had ever been able to conjure in her memories.

She was home. With him.

Letting go, she let all of her feelings trickle out of her, knowing he felt them too.

There was no need for apologies. There was no need to explain. He had always understood.

Reaching up she placed her hand over his heart and met his eyes.

~*~*~*~*

**Quick note: I think that I should explain a bit before I give you all the end of this story. I had written a short about Alice and Jasper and how she would feel if she had to leave him. With reviews and a burst of inspiration, this story snowballed into what you all have been reading. I hadn't thought much more about the story until people started reading it so _Thank You_ for your feedback.**

**Now about the story. I really wanted this story to be about the two of them and their bond, and have everything else be secondary (everything else being what happened that made Alice leave). I wanted you to experience their joy and their suffering as if it were your own. I hope they made you feel something or at least empathize with them, understand them in a way that wasn't discussed in the books. I adore the complexity of these characters. (All credit goes to Stephenie Meyer, she created them, not me. I was just inspired by them). So I decided to not explain fully where Alice went and why, just give you a glimpse. But after this last chapter I realized that it made things a bit confusing and I apologize. I wanted to give just a tiny insight into what could possibly take Alice away from Jasper without actually talking about it or explaining any of it. I wanted to leave it open, for you to imagine what you wanted. So I left it very vague which has sort of come off confusing. Wrapping this story up has been a joy! Thanks to everyone for inspiring me and for reading this. **

**I've been toying with writing another Alice and Jasper story inspired by this one so please let me know what you think!**


	6. No Need For One

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He ran the same route every few days. It was a way to clear his head. He found it increasingly difficult to stay in Forks and not try to find her. He was strong though, ten years strong. Yet, each day without her he would lose pieces of his soul.

Reaching his spot on Mount McKinley, he stood looking out at the land below. He needed to take a break from the happiness that surrounded him. He found himself resenting it at times, even using his ability on the family. That was when he knew he needed a distraction. So he ran.

He always stood at the edge of the clearing. It drove all thought from his head. He would stand there, think nothing, and feel nothing. Not a human or vampire for miles and he was thankful for lack of feeling.

Looking up at the sky, he stared at the stars, unobstructed by clouds; it felt like he could see for miles.

Just then, amidst the fog and gloom of his emotions, it was if a wave of sunlight hit him. A feeling of warmth ran through his body, as if he were basking in the sunlight.

Her emotions had hit him like a tidal wave and it took every ounce of his strength to remain standing. He didn't know if he was dreaming or if she was really here, so he turned slowly. He didn't want to lose this feeling if it were all in his head; he wanted to hold on to it for as long as he could.

Turning around he finally saw her. The emotions running through his body were overpowering. If his heart could beat, it would be racing within his chest.

She walked quickly across the distance between them. Her sunlight was filling his soul. She must have picked up his heart because he felt it beating within her and hers within him. It was back in its rightful place; it belonged to her and her alone.

She stood in front of him now and this time her emotions were like a gentle breeze against him. His eyes half shut at the immense pleasure he felt just by being near her.

Just as he thought he must have died, she reached up her hand, placed it on his heart and lifted her beautiful golden eyes to his.

And smiled.

"Alice" was all he could whisper as all the pain and the anguish of the past ten years, faded away and was replaced by her love.

His eyes traveled over her face, her hair, her neck and down to her shoulders. He wanted to take inventory, make sure everything was where it was supposed to be. He wanted to make sure she was the same Alice that had left.

Giving her body a once over, his eyes moved back up to hers. She was still smiling at him with her hand over his heart.

Taking a step forward, he reached up his hand to her cheek. The feel of her skin against his and the way it seemed that his body fit perfectly against his, brought another wave of pleasure running through his body.

Lifting his other hand, he moved hers from his heart and interlaces their fingers. Perfect again. Never losing contact with her eyes he felt pure joy run through his unmoving veins. He knew what this meant. He knew that she was back and that everything would be fine.

The hope and the fear of uncertainty disappeared. Relief and pleasure filled his body. She smiled at him again and, unable to control it, he smiled too.

Pulling her in closer, he leans forward and touches his lips to hers in a feather light touch. Opening his eyes he found her eyes twinkling up at him and the biggest smile he had ever seen on her face.

He was still holding her hand tightly, never letting it go again.

"Let's go home." Was the only explanation Jasper needed from her.


End file.
